Go Home Cupcake, You're Drunk...

Posted by Kristin on Wednesday, June 25, 2014.

The World of Pinterest is an ugly one.  It is a world full of lies and deception and people with mad photoshop skills.  One quick search of "cupcakes" and I was tangled in its wicked web...I drank the poison and for a moment forgot that I have no baking skills.  Not only was I going to bake cupcakes, but I was going to bake them in ice cream cones and top them with three colors of homemade buttercream icing in such a beautiful way that I would be the envy of the party. 

Who could resist the magic of these cupcakes?  Not me...so I gathered all my ingredients and set to work.


1.  Wrap cake cones in foil and carefully place them into muffin tins.
2.  Fill about 1/2 full of cake batter (get whatever is on sale).  When you have leftover batter, go through and even them all up.  It just means more cake, right?
3.  Bake as directed on box.
4.  Continue to bake because your oven only works in the back.
5.  Remove from oven and let cool.
6.  Panic slightly because your full cones didn't mean bigger cupcakes, it meant cupcake volcanoes exploding with hot cupcake batter/lava, which melted the sides of the cones.
7.  Cut the tops off of the cooled volcanoes in the hopes of salvaging some (and any other imperfections will be covered with icing of perfection).

 8.  Make frosting according to recipe found on random website.  Yum, tastes like plain butter!
9.  Divide into thirds.  Add cocoa powder to one, leave one white, and add really old red food coloring to the rest (so old that it has congealed like blood at the tip, causing it to explode when you try to add 1 drop).
10.  Start with chocolate.  Place in ziploc baggie and start to pipe it around the edges.  Put in stronger freezer bag when your sandwich baggie bursts open.

11.  Briefly wonder why you have continued this far.

12.  Fill new freezer bag with white (because you forgot that pink disguised as vampire red was next).  Pipe it on top of chocolate.
13.  Fill last bag with what was supposed to be pink.  Dollop it in the center.
14.  Why are you still doing this?  Stop the madness!
15.  Shake nonpareils on top vigorously.  And all over kitchen in process.
16.  Set out ant bait in anticipation of the ants that will soon be all over your nonpareiled kitchen.
17.  On way to event, pick up chocolate pie from K & W and lie. 

I hate you, Pinterest.

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